One Life can Change a Community

If you ask a man today, “Where have all the “good” women gone?” you’ll likely get a deep sigh or a look of bewilderment as he tries to explain something he’s felt but can’t fully articulate. Whether he has forgotten what a “good” woman once meant or fears his answer will be taken the wrong way, a question that once was simple to answer now feels like a quiet lament. The truth is, “good” women haven’t disappeared. In fact, they are more visible, more educated, and more empowered than at any point in history. Here are a few facts that make this point vivid:

• Women earn more college degrees (associate, bachelor’s, master’s, and doctorate) than men in the U.S. (Pew, 2024)
• Psychology & Counseling: Roughly 70–75% of psychologists and over 80% of counselors/therapists are women (Crossriver Therapy, 2025)
• Veterinary Medicine: Women now make up over 80% of veterinary students and 70%+ of practicing vets (AAHA, 2024).
• Women read more books and outperform men in literacy across all major educational studies.

Yet even with these advances, somehow, something feels off. For many men, it has become harder to find women with virtues they admire but now feel increasingly rare. The truth is that the “good woman” you’re searching for is likely right in front of you. She’s simply hiding in plain sight. Good women haven’t become rarer; they’ve become easier to overlook. And that’s the real issue and your challenge to solve. But before we get into how to identify them, we need to define them in a way that is practical, concrete, and easy to discern.

The “good” woman

What is a “good” woman? If you think it’s simply a women who is sexually conservative and pleasant to be around, you’re already off track. Plenty of women—good and not so good—can meet those criteria. Yes, a woman’s past matters, and it is certainly a blessing when she is sweet-spirited. But niceness is not virtue, and sexual conservatism is not just character; these are behaviors, not the foundation behind them. The real question is what animates those behaviors.

So to begin, let’s breakdown the adjective good—the qualifier that modifies the noun woman. Good is defined as having admirable qualities: being virtuous, moral, beneficial, or possessing a character that produces stability and value. By that definition, a “good woman” is not always as straightforward as it appears.

Now consider the four women below and try to choose the “good” one:

• A passionate woman with a complicated romantic past, yet she maintains healthy relationships with her family, friends, and colleagues, would give her last to you, and loves you with all her heart. But she has rarely been faithful in her work or relationships but states it’s because she just hasn’t found the right job or man or reacts to their unfaithfulness.
• An agreeable woman with a more conservative past, yet she struggles to to engage in any relationships with family or friends who don’t fit her lifestyle, but she loves you and depends on you. She has only had a few relationships but desires to explore men outside her relationship.
• A sweet and warm woman whose past is more sexually open and exploratory, yet she regularly volunteers, faithfully serves her community, supports her loved ones, and loves you with all she has left. She has had many failed relationships but has always been faithful.
• A beautiful, smart, and sincere woman with a healthy and stable romantic past, yet has a connection with one man whom seems to always have access to her. She is full of love and life, and has had a several relationships but has never got over her past love even in new relationships.

Which is the good woman? The answer is not as clear — not because goodness doesn’t exist, but because goodness is multidimensional, temporal, and conditional. A good woman may have once been a “bad” woman, and a “bad” woman may one day become a “good” one. I know women like each of the ones described above, and all of them carry elements of goodness within them.

Some men look at these four women and conclude that none qualify as good women. Some women look at these same women and insist they are all good for the “right” man. This reveals a deeper issue. Men’s commentary on what makes a woman “good” is often static and shaped by fear of choosing wrong, while women’s commentary is often conditional and shaped by pride and desires to uplift women. Neither provides a reliable standard. One frames women as permanently irredeemable after certain offenses; the other offers no real answer at all because it refuses to demarcate what actually matters. As a result, both sides talk past the truth of the question. So, what truly makes a woman good?

What makes a woman good?

The answer lies in Scripture. Proverbs 31 gives the clearest picture of a good woman—but the truth is that even most “good” women today fall short of those virtues. Yet from that passage, and from the women of Scripture who rise or fall, we can derive a simple definition.

A “good woman” is one who aligns her life with God’s Word and Truth when confronted with it.

That’s it! Once she recognizes what God expects from her, she acts accordingly. This is the heart of a good woman in Scripture. Let me give a few examples of why it holds.

Let’s begin by dismantling the old adage: “You can’t turn a bad girl good.” It’s true that you can’t, but Jesus can, and HE did.

Scripture gives us multiple examples of women who began in darkness, brokenness, or rebellion, yet became living testimonies of God’s transforming power. Their lives prove that goodness is not a static trait but a response to truth

Rahab — From Prostitute to Protector of God’s People.

• She was a prostitute and lived a life far outside covenant (Joshua 2:1).
• She recognized the truth about Israel’s God (Josh. 2:9–11).
• She acted accordingly: protected the spies, tied the scarlet cord, aligned with Israel.

Ruth — From Moabite Outsider to “Woman of Noble Character”

• She came from a nation associated with idolatry and immorality (Deut. 23:3).
• She recognized the truth of Naomi’s God (Ruth 1:16).
• She acted accordingly: covenant loyalty, humility, obedience, labor.

The Samaritan Woman — From Serial Relationships to Evangelist

• She had five husbands and lived with a man not her husband (John 4:18).
• She recognized the truth when Jesus revealed HIMSELF.
• She acted accordingly: immediately testified to her whole city (John 4:28–29).

Mary Magdalene — From Tormented to Devoted Disciple

• She was tormented by seven demons (Luke 8:2).
• She recognized the truth of Jesus’ saving power.
• She acted accordingly: followed HIM, supported HIS ministry, stayed at the cross.

Scripture also gives us examples of women who began in goodness, innocence, or divine favor yet eventually turned away from the truth. Their stories show that goodness is not conditional and can be abandoned, because falling is not a sudden event but a response to rejecting truth.

Lot’s Wife — From Delivered to Disobedient

• She received mercy and was led out of judgment with her family (Genesis 19:15–17).
• She acted against God’s command by looking back, revealing a divided heart (Genesis 19:26).

Delilah — From Trusted Companion to Betrayer

• She held a position of closeness and trust with Samson (Judges 16:4).
• She acted against loyalty by betraying him for money and personal gain (Judges 16:18–20).

Jezebel — From Queen to Idol-Champion

• She entered Israel’s royal house with authority and influence (1 Kings 16:31).

• She acted against God by promoting idolatry, persecuting prophets, and opposing truth (1 Kings 18:4; 21:25).

Athaliah — From Royal Mother to Murderous Usurper

• She began in a position of maternal and royal responsibility (2 Kings 11:1–2).
• She acted against God by killing heirs and seizing power through wickedness (2 Kings 11:1).

So, what’s the difference? The fallen women resisted God’s Word and Truth; the redeemed women yielded to them. Scripture makes this distinction unmistakable. A good woman is one who responds to truth, remains teachable and humble, fears the Lord, and stays in covenant with God. If she walks in these things, she will be a good woman—because she understands Jesus place in her life and orders her steps accordingly. So how do you find her?

Choosing the right one

If choosing a good woman were easy, we wouldn’t have an entire world of content built around relationships. The very existence of all this commentary proves that finding a good woman isn’t always obvious at first glance.

The truth is good women aren’t hard to find, but most men are either looking in the wrong places or not looking at all. They’re at the grocery store, at coffee shops, at the gas station, at events, at the gym, at work, or spending time with friends and family. They’re working normal jobs, extravagant jobs, going to church, or just trying to manage life responsibly. Most of them are simply trying to build stability and find someone who values that.

The challenge isn’t that these women don’t exist; it’s that many men overlook them because they don’t stand out. So, they are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. In today’s world, visibility has become a form of currency, and women who seek it often get the most attention. But good women aren’t normally chasing visibility. Many are doing the opposite.

That means, you have to find them and that requires action. Approach them. They won’t approach you and they shouldn’t have to. She is waiting on you. Despite what some women claim, that men shouldn’t approach them, it’s your responsibility to initiate (see Where Have All the Men Gone?). The real mistake men are making isn’t failing to find good women—it’s failing to approach them. By refusing to approach, you’re inconveniencing good women in an effort to convenience women who were never interested in you to begin with. And you’d be surprised — not in a good way — who those women actually give their attention to. So do the opposite. Inconvenience the wrong woman in order to meet the right one. You’re not only doing her a favor—you’re giving yourself an opportunity to receive God’s favor, because “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22).